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Managing Anxiety.

anxiety blog coaching fear growth limitingbeliefs personalpower Oct 23, 2021

Anxiety as a definition is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

 I will add, that it is the stories I tell myself. The collection of thoughts that gather in my mind when it comes to situations I can't control or don't have enough information on. That was my personal hell for 20 years. 

A lot of my anxiety I have come to realize revolves around dying. In the early years, it revolved around either myself or my boyfriend then husband dying/being hurt/being sick. So typically, if my boyfriend/husband didn't respond to me (phone call, text), I would think of a worst case scenario. And those scenarios - they were out there!

He fell in the shower, knocked his head and is bleeding out with the water dripping down his body.

He got into a car accident, let me tune into the news channel to make sure.

As the years went on, I added the layer. Like I those stories weren't enough.

What if he's not answering because he's with someone else.

That opened a whole other dimension of hell.

When these thoughts would come through, and in some of the early years they were relentless, I would feel sick. Physically ill. Couldn't breathe. Couldn't sit still. Hot and cold sweats. Heart Palpitations. Stomach issues. Those were the worse.. those then triggered my own health anxiety and would land me in the emergency room. Yup. Hell.

In my late twenties once I realized that this wasn't going away on its own and I was exhausted from living it in silence, I decided to go to therapy and did a CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns or treat mood disorders such as depression). It helped. A lot. My anxiety subsided quite a bit but it was still inside me... waiting to jump out at any moment. I didn't feel secure, confident I could handle it.

Then, my anxiety strongly surfaced when I was going through IN VITRO fertilization. Those seven years were hard because well, let me paint the picture.... the drugs, the appointments, the needles, the hormone changes, the constant disappointment, the two week wait x 6, the bad news, sucking eggs out of my body, putting embryos into my body - shall I go on? I'll stop. You get it. During this time, I was tested in ALL aspects: mentally and physically. Seven years of my life. Tested. My anxiety found it's way through and I went back to therapy. Ouff. Exhausted.

BUT, I made it out. Again.

Not unscathed. Not unscarred. 

Life is about experiences. Great ones, really crappy ones and everything in between. 

When I left my corporate career at 41, I felt for the first time lost but also free. It was life handing me a gift I didn't know at the time I needed.

I took time to heal my past. I embraced the lessons that were at times hard to swallow. I went back to school and learned about mindset and emotions and energy and a ton more. I then applied my teachings to myself and was able to further diminish my anxiety. It took work. It took time, It took commitment to myself and to my wellbeing. That became a priority. Me.

Alas, over two years went by and no anxiety that I can pinpoint until the last couple of week. 

TESTED. AGAIN.

But this time and for the first time, I feel strong. I feel secure. I feel I can handle it and I'm ok. I did the work and keep doing the work and it pays off. 

If you have anxiety issues,

Know that you are not alone or crazy.

Know that you have the power to change.

Know that freedom does exist for you.

I will you the courage to start doing the work and putting yourself first.

Coach Sandra

xo

 

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